


Be Gay And Do Crime At 3 A.M.

by AsagiStilinski



Series: Yuri!!! Down Under [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Animals, Alternate Universe - Australia, Australian Slang, Bisexual Katsuki Yuuri, Christophe Giacometti is a Good Friend, Ferrets, Friendship, Gen, Happy Ending, Late at Night, Light Angst, Minor Phichit Chulanont/Christophe Giacometti, POV Katsuki Yuuri, Pets, Phichit Chulanont & Katsuki Yuuri Are Best Friends, Phichit Chulanont Is a Good Friend, Prequel, Wildlife Educator Katsuki Yuuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22795786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsagiStilinski/pseuds/AsagiStilinski
Summary: Yuri Katsuki, a wildlife educator currently living in Queensland Australia, has a problem- namely:  two orphaned ferrets who need round the clock careHe's been fostering them for the last two weeks and they're almost healthy, so that isn't quite what's bothering him, rather, it's that he's grown rather attached to them and can't stand to see them go, but ferrets are illegal in Queensland, so he can't possibly keep them.... can he?
Relationships: Phichit Chulanont & Katsuki Yuuri, Phichit Chulanont/Christophe Giacometti
Series: Yuri!!! Down Under [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1638880
Comments: 9
Kudos: 46





	Be Gay And Do Crime At 3 A.M.

**Author's Note:**

> And here we go folks!
> 
> This is the beginning of two series, "Yuri!!! Down Under" and the mini series within "Tales Of Illegal Ferrets"
> 
> A few months ago I came up with an idea for an AU with wildlife educator!Yuri, who was raised partly in Australia, and vet!Viktor, who's dealing with PTSD after a traumatic incident and finds comfort in Yuri
> 
> Within that main series is a smaller set of adventures about Yuri's pet ferrets, and _that_ is where our story begins- as this is set before he meets Viktor
> 
> "Yuri!!! Down Under" has become a bit of a universe on it's own, as the lovely Venom, Tae, and Talya have joined in to collaborate on it, but **it isn't just fic!** I highly suggest following our collaboration blog, "Mad Alice", to see more from "Yuri!!! Down Under" (and his illegal ferrets) such as IC blurbs, art, inspiration posts, and more! https://madaliceproductions.tumblr.com/ There will be content in places other than AO3, so the blog is the cumulative place where you can find everything, please follow us on this very weird journey about love, recovery, and wildlife! (and Yuri's very sexy Aussie accent)
> 
> This fic was edited by the very lovely Tae, thank you sweetie!

The alarm clock buzzed in his ear. Yuri pried his eyes open and turned it off, avoiding hitting snooze if only because he knew he couldn't. He forced himself out of bed and grabbed his glasses before stumbling over to the crate where the ferret kits were, smiling with exhaustion as he gently reached in and scooped them up.

"Sorry, loves. I don't want to be up right now, either," he soothed as they squirmed and attempted to fall back asleep in his arms.

They wouldn't be so lucky, though. They needed their medication.

Two weeks ago, a box was found in an ally. Yuri still didn't know the full details, but out of the bundle of ferrets inside, these two were the only survivors. Only four weeks old at the time, not even done nursing, still blind and deaf. Luckily, the person who found them had the foresight to get them to the zoo, where a permit to keep the ferrets was promptly filed and granted as Yuri's parents worked to stabilize their health crisis, taking the opportunity to neuter them as well, as per the law.

But it was Yuri doing the work now. The ferrets needed twenty-four-hour care, and Yuri—a reliable foster parent for the four-legged—had volunteered. In the two weeks he had been tending to them, he slept in two to four hour shifts, at varying times throughout the day and night, and barely left the house. But the good news was, his days in caretaker hell were numbered. The ferrets were now on track to full health and were no longer completely helpless: their eyes and ears opened several days prior, and they’d started gaining weight. 

"Ready to say ‘hi’ to your namesakes?" Yuri yawned. He finished giving the ferrets their medications—as per why he was awake at three in the morning—and slinked over to his desk chair, the now awake and excited ferrets wiggling in his arms. He gently set them down in a little playpen next to the desk, then he propped his chin up on his hand as he turned on his laptop and started a skype call.

_"Yuri! How's it goin'?!"_

"Fine," Yuri mumbled, though the look of near-death on his face betrayed him.

His friend smiled sympathetically. _"Don't worry. You can sleep again in half an hour. And hey, look on the bright side: at least this is good training for parenthood!"_

"Hm, true," Yuri agreed, though he silently wondered why the gods had been cruel enough to off-set the ferrets' antibiotics with their ear drops, requiring him to stay awake an extra half-hour during every three a.m. shift.

_"Where are the little guys?"_

Yuri scooped one ferret into each hand and held them up to the webcam. Phichit squealed.

_"Awwww, they're almost as cute as my hamsters! Which one is mine, again?"_

"The sable one is named after you, the champagne one after Chris. Speaking of, where is he?"

_"Oh, he's getting us some wine! He'll be back before you hang up."_

Wine? At this hour? "Isn't it like ... midnight in Thailand?" Yuri frowned, setting the ferrets back in the playpen.

Phichit laughed. _"Yuri, you really do forget how much of our work is at night, don't you? Yeah, it's midnight. **Only** midnight. We still have like ... four or five hours before we crash."_

Right. Yuri had been following the same schedule his parents kept for so long, he forgot not everyone had a day job. And to be fair, Chris and Phichit had an around-the-clock type of job that changed hours with each new project. Yuri just tended to forget how many of those projects were at night.

"Right, right. Real night owls, you two are. How's the new gig goin', anyway?"

_"Great! We're so excited. We just started filming today. We went to this nightclub and interviewed like twenty people and heard all these great stories about drag! I can't wait until the competition starts so we can meet some of the queens and get their opinions on things!"_

"That sounds amazing. I'm rapt for ya', mate!"

Phichit and Chris were videographers. More specifically, Chris did the filming and Phichit took care of the audio. They made a great team and usually worked on projects together, like this one, for example. They signed on to film a documentary on drag in Thailand, and Phichit couldn't be happier.

They talked for a few minutes until Chris joined them, two glasses of wine in hand. _"Hey, cutie with the booty. Where's my ferret?"_

"What, no down under jokes this time?" Yuri teased, still in disbelief that Chris somehow managed to turn everything dirty. He reached into the playpen to pick up ferret Chris.

_"Oh, give me time, mon cher. I'm only two sips into this wine."_

Yuri snorted and rolled his eyes as he held up the champagne-colored ferret. "He's doing better. The ear infection is almost cleared up, thank god. And he's eating a lot more, too, which is definitely good. It shouldn't be too much longer before they don't need me anymore."

That should be a good thing. He should have said it proudly, but … Yuri carefully set the ferret down as tears stung the corners of his eyes.

_"Yuri?"_

He bit his lip, trying and failing to fight the emotions. He probably looked like an asshole, crying when he was supposed to be happy...

_"Yuri, what's wrong? Are you having another anxiety attack?"_

Bless Phichit and his concern, but Yuri shook his head, hurrying to clear the moisture from his eyes. "I don't... I don't wanna give 'em up. As soon as they're well enough, we... we're sending them to this... sanctuary in Sydney and I-I don't want them to go. I wanna keep 'em, but I can't because of that damn law! My parents had to get a permit just to... just to have 'em at the zoo. I know it's crazy... How can I feel so attached to something I've only had for two weeks? But..."

_"Sounds like a pretty easy solution to me, mon cher. Just keep them, anyway.”_

Yuri sighed. "I can't. It’s illegal."

_"Mmmm, not so much. Do they have weekly ferret checks in Australia or something?"_

"What? Well, no, but—"

_“Then it seems to me that if you get caught—which is unlikely—you can always just say you are watching them for the zoo for a few days. Won't your parents and their coworkers vouch for you?"_

"W-Well, yeah, but—"

_"Say they're sick again, mon cher. Show the police the permit, and you shouldn't have any problems."_

_"Oh my god, yes, Yuri! Do it! Be the rebel we need! The rebel we **deserve**! Be gay and do crime at three a.m.!"_

Yuri was dumbfounded. Running on a lack of sleep, bearing a heavy emotional weight, and wielding a brain that was trying to digest the suggestion to commit a harmless crime he could technically get away with—the only thing he could think to say was, "... I'm bi, though."

_"Oh, Yuri. **Sweetie**."_

Little did he know, a year later, he'd be dragging another stray into his home. One that was actually legal this time! At least, by most standards.


End file.
